laugh at life with gillie

He was a Spy; I don't know why, because it was all hush, hush. He had to sneak around and look; but never, ever rush. If he rushed he'd not have seen what he had to look at. So he sneaked around on tippy toes and earned the name the cat. He was cool, he was flash, in smart suits he cut a dash. He got the girls and drank the drink; usually shook, not stirred. His reputation went ahead of him so he attracted every bird. I tell you all this in past tense, because he came a cropper. whilst out spying from the air he fell out of the chopper.

Come on Dads, here's the chance,  join in with Dads Rap Pack Dance. Wave your hands up in the air;  Kids embarrassed? You don't care. Jump around on spindly legs, the blood will rush to those old pegs. Do a roll, you know you can, spin on the floor like a fresh air fan. The Mother Rap Packers follow on, fans of Walter, Fred & John. Wear your flat cap back to front, Your on the dancing partner hunt. Now we've all got on the floor, youngsters making for the door. we don't care were having fun, We are Dads Rap Packers son. The pubs all ours now kids gone, we'll have an old fashioned singalong. Move your arms like a choo-choo train, back to your childhood again. Grab a partner, swing her round, grab another as she falls to the ground. Let your daft out, no one cares, It's cos you have had had many beers. Had a good Night? I think so; in the morning you'll be feeling low. Head is banging, embarrassed too, it a...

The government are not being fare, They make tuition much too dare, They want it like the bad old times... F**k I can't think of owt that rhymes. Dem Lib Cons? they is crap. Lets Rap! Rich dudes is so up all dem selves, they want us all filling their shop shelves. Whilst they go to Uni and row boats and walk around in dem blazer coats Al that shit do my head in I on the street aint that a sin? We go down whilst they go up, we sit around with our begging cup. Only shelter I got is Hood... Not good.  EN-IT!

I'm going to have a shout at rap, close this yawning generation gap. I'm 70 and  up for it. lets have a go, Yo! we'll strut our stuff in the hood, that's good. We have our soul,  and rock and roll Now live in this time, talk in rhyme, lets have a go; Yo! We all have our point of view, Now it's their time give them their due, let go, Yo! Come on you Dads, here's your chance strut your stuff take a stance shout at the pensioners rapping dance ... EN-IT!

Acid Sid was of disrepute. He sold drugs to kids in a snazzy suit. His pockmarked face was in a snarl as he walked round with his mate Carl. I put Carl in so that it would rhyme but it was Sid alone who did the crime. I chased him off; how he did cough. He ran until his lungs gave out, plus, he suffered terribly with chronic gout. I said, "now look what drugs have done," he said, "I'll shoot you with my gun." The bullet whistled past my head and hit his mate Carl, who fell down; dead. I felt guilty of a crime, I'd introduced Carl to make it rhyme. Acid Sid said, "I've another bullet." He touched the trigger,but he didn't pull it. His acidic lungs gave up on him, His eyes rolled up, all glazed and dim. The pain ebbed out of his gout riddled feet, as he went to hell to face the heat.

There was a food critic who criticised food. His remarks about it were very rude, He criticised here, he criticised there, he even criticised the restaurants beer. He would not drink and he would not eat. Then one day in a restaurant he fell off his seat. The Doctor declared, "he's critically ill, Through picking at food and not getting his fill." Now the critic was critical; a bit of a prat, his limbs were no fatter than those of a gnat. The Restaurant Chef said, "it served him right, he came in earlier and criticised all night." They took him to hospital and tucked him in bed, and by the next morning he was critically dead.

laugh at life with gillie: How this blog came about : " I started this blog because I love comedy. My life has been nothing but near escapes and adventures of the kind that ..."

          Timothy Hedgehog Finds a Friend.  One day when the sun was shining, all the animals were at play. Timothy Hedgehog went to join them, but they nasty things shooed him away. 'Clear off!' They shouted rudely, 'your prickly and play too rough: Why can't you be like the rest of us, all cuddly and covered in fluff?' Poor Timothy went away tearfully, shuffling and snuffling along. He sat on a stone and had a good cry, then from somewhere a voice said, 'What's wrong?' 'Who said that?' asked Timothy, as he could not see anyone around. 'Your sitting on my house.' said the voice, that seemed to come from the ground. Timothy jumped up quickly, from what he thought was a stone, thinking to himself, "well it looks more like a stone than a home." Slowly out of each corner, appeared a very wrinkly leg, then just as slowly at one end, there appeared a thumb shaped wrinkled head. 'Who are you?' asked Tymoth...

 I worked in the fishing industry until the Government of the day sold us out to the Icelandic Government, so that the Americans could keep a listening post on Icelandic land. The cold war was on at the time and they were more concerned about what the Russians were up to, than the survival of a thriving industry that employed thousands of people. You miners think that you have been badly done to, our men are still fighting for compensation. that is another story; too depressing and serious for this blog. This story is one of those that you laugh at afterwards.  It was my second trip on Sir Thomas Robinsons trawler the 'Samarian' and my first trip as a Deckie Learner rather than a Galley Boy, The skipper called down from the bridge for us to go below as a gale was blowing up. I was busy clearing fish from the wash chute -a structure that looks like a slide in a children's playground-  I was at the top of this chute clearing it so that the fish co...

        I have jumped a few years now; just to prove that those rumours about my having short term memory loss are a complete fabrication; as spread by myself when I forget someone’s birthday.   A year after I lost my pretty wife to cancer I started going out and mixing with other people.  I had not frequented the Bag 'o' Rats public house since my bachelor days.  My old school mates were still using it because most of them were either lifelong bachelors or divorcees.    Gorgeous George (so called because he thought he was!) was in there; his wife divorced him because of his roaming eyes.  I had my own squint operated on when I was 15 years old and it is now straight, but Georges are uncontrollable; unless the surgeons took them out all together.   However, he would still have his roving hands and a good excuse to touch every woman who spoke to him - accidentally on purpose of course-.   Anyway,...

This is written by a typical Englishman (Not got a Cockney accent. Not posh, unrecognisable as a Hollywood Englishman is, but a born Englishman; Me). I have noticed through the years that Hollywood often typecast us and other people around the world, for good or bad. I am not having a go at our American cousins, just Hollywood.   It is about 3 asshole villains and one asshole Ass who decide to steal children's presents' and booby trap them with high explosives. The 3 villains are led by a posh surly Englishman who says "Old boy" a lot, so that the ALL AMERICAN HERO can take the piss. The surly posh Englishman's right- hand man is an Arrogant Blond Haired German - with dueling scar -, who says, "Rouse" and "Nine a lot. They are followed by a scruffy little Mexican with a manic laugh and a twitchy eye who rides everywhere on a stubborn Ass that bites children.  They are hunted by an L.A.P.D. Officer with the morally high sta...

  Uncle Cyril was accidentally mentioned in dispatches. He wasn't a very good soldier, as he couldn't even grasp how to use a compass.  Nevertheless, he was mentioned for a heroic act.  He was always in trouble during training and tried to hide his fear by joking and laughing about everything. The drill sergeant hated him, 'That mans a crackpot!' he yelled to the commanding officer in his drill sergeants voice   The C.O's ears were ringing; but he thought he had heard him correctly and wrote down on Uncle Cyril's record "This man  is a Crack Shot". so with those words on his record he was presented with a cross rifles insignia to wear on his battledress sleeve and they made him company sniper.  He was given a choice of weapon and went for a Bren gun just so that he never missed. Although his superiors wondered why he wanted to run around with a bloody great Bren gun they let him have his own way.  The fateful day came w...