Wednesday, 12 January 2011

Uncle Cyril's War A fictional story with fictional people.

  Uncle Cyril was accidentally mentioned in dispatches. He wasn't a very good soldier, as he couldn't even grasp how to use a compass.
 Nevertheless, he was mentioned for a heroic act.
 He was always in trouble during training and tried to hide his fear by joking and laughing about everything. The drill sergeant hated him, 'That mans a crackpot!' he yelled to the commanding officer in his drill sergeants voice   The C.O's ears were ringing; but he thought he had heard him correctly and wrote down on Uncle Cyril's record "This man  is a Crack Shot". so with those words on his record he was presented with a cross rifles insignia to wear on his battledress sleeve and they made him company sniper.  He was given a choice of weapon and went for a Bren gun just so that he never missed. Although his superiors wondered why he wanted to run around with a bloody great Bren gun they let him have his own way.  The fateful day came when 'A' company The Royal Pioneer Corps Were dug in on a mist shrouded hillside somewhere in a foreign country in the year 1944. They were under heavy bombardment; It was surreal, when a red hot bullet pierced the front of Uncle Cyril's helmet skidded along his centre parting and out through the back, there was a distinct odour of burnt skin and boiling brylcream...Uncle Cyril panicked and tried to run off...However, he got the compass reading wrong and ran towards -rather than away from- the enemy, screaming like a banshee with the devil on his heels. He tripped on a tree root and banged his Bren gun on the ground; the safety catch was not engaged so it went off and he killed 13 enemy soldiers, one monkey and three parrots. The company made use of the latter four, because they were bored with plain army rations...Well that is it really the last family hero... Private Cyril Pratt.
  My cousin Cedric -his son- was in a specialist army unit... but he didn't have such a distinguished career as his father, as they only specialised in making fancy cakes for the Officers Mess.

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