laugh at life with gillie

Once, we had a parrot, who wasn't very pleasant, He escaped out our window, and raped a passing Pheasant. He strutted off to the local zoo, where he had his way with a Cockatoo;  -or three-. Then off he flew, up in the sky so blue, where he bit off more than he could chew. He espied a lady eagle flying by, serenely floating in the sky. Our parrot thought what a beautiful sight. I've never seen such a beauty in flight. How did he know she was a man eater, when he flapped up cheekily to meet her? He didn't know she was a murderous freak, with massive talons and nasty beak. That was the end of our sex mad sinner, the eagle had him for her dinner. .

 Twas a stormy winter night, the back end of the year, Harold came across a wayside Inn, and went in for a beer. The Landlady was a comely wench with overflowing boobs, The Landlord kept his cellar good and always cleaned his tubes. Harold had one drink and then another one; or two, the seat was comfortable, the company good, so he drank another few. The fire blazed in the grate, the welcome was also warm. Whilst outside the cold wind blew, and kicked up a mighty storm. Although Harold was a married man, he liked a pint of beer, he imagined he was a youth again, without family; or a care. He gave the buxom Landlady more attention than he should, the beer was talking for him, he was in a confident mood. The Landlord was a large man, but Harold didn't care, The ale was in, the wits were out, Harold had no fear. Confident enough was he, to do whatever he wished. The Landlord said, 'get out of her!' Harold said, 'I'm not pished!...

My Marmy brought me up alone, I never met Daddy, he had gone. Oh, how my mammy really does miss, a cuddle off daddy, or a sloppy kiss. I went to jail and met Daddy there, told him about Mammy, but he didn't care. And it's all pure misery and thuggery in there. But I could fight my own battles; I had no fear. My doggy he died before I came out, My lips are a trembling and a permanent pout. I miss that old doggy, he was my friend, now I feel more miserable my heart will not mend. I met and fell for Mary Lou, but her love for me was never true. Me and my Mammy were once more alone, my doggy has died and Mary Lou's gone. Whilst in a saloon having a beer, an ugly galoot gave me a glare. I hit him hard and he hit me back, A voice that sounded like mine yelled, 'hit him Jack!' It was my Daddy cheering me on. Some one said, 'is that your lad John?' He proudly said 'Yes', and then clutched his chest, ...

 Oh didddly oh, Oh! diddly Oh ; Here's a sea shanty you may not know. There are more fish in the sea, so get your tackle out, Strut your stuff along the deck, don't take any old trout. Cast your bait and then you wait, dangling your worm. Don't be soft, don't give up, you really should stay firm. Any Port in a storm? That will never do, whosoever first said that, didn't have a clue. Keep your sea legs, careful boy, don't panic my son. Don't rush it, steady now, then you'll have more fun. No, not her; not for you, she looks like a cod. This ones her,  breasts are bare and she's hanging from your rod. Thrashing around hard to get; don't you be afraid. Half a woman, half a fish, a Beautiful Mermaid.  Oh, diddly-oh  Oh- diddly oh, oh-diddly oh diddly oh- oh-oh. ohhhhhh!

WE ARE ALL IN IT TOGETHER! YES, WERE ALL IN THE SHIT! Were all in it together, lets all do our bit. You'll get no more pension they can't afford it, You'll work till your worn out, but try to keep fit. YES! WE ARE ALL IN IT TOGETHER; WERE ALL IN THE SHIT! So the cream smell of roses we'll do our bit. The Oiks and the Labourers can wear themselves out, You can crawl into work with arthritis and goutl. YES! WE ARE ALL IN IT TOGETHER; WE ARE ALL IN THE SHIT! Although your lungs are about to give out, you can limp  into work though your legs may give out, if your ticker is dickey, your back is worn out, WERE ALL IN IT TOGETHER, WERE ALL IN THE SHIT, You can't retire; you'll have to stay fit. Disabled and oldie's you'll all do your bit. Yes were all in it together, Yes were all in the SHIT! Hero's are wounded; the salt of the earth.  Where are the tax dodgers bankers, greedy M.P.s? Who brought this great nation down on its knees? ...

Old Ricky was a terrier, as faithful as could be, He'd curl up in a little ball comfy on my knee. But outside that little terrier was a different boy, no longer was he a lap dog, cos hunting was his joy. His eyes would blaze his coat would stand, the most terrifying terrier in the land. Those bulging eyes, those twitching ears, a front paw off the ground. Head stuck forward, shackles up; he knows they are around. Ratty is hiding in long grass, Ricky knows he's there. Like a cobra, Ricky strikes, the rat squeals out in fear. That ones dead, more to kill; they scamper all around. Ricky kills a few more rats before they go to ground. Sometimes I'd strike out with my stick; just to give a hand, Ricky and me, I'm sure you'll see, were the best ratters in the land. I sit alone no little dog curled up on my lap, My stick is hanging on the door along with my old cap. I miss Old Ricky, that little dog, as faithful as could be. now he's buried in the...

Sid was a taxidermist Lill was his flat chested wife. He thought he'd enlarge her titties, with cotton wool and a surgeons knife. He could make animals look alive, so he could alter his woman's looks. He had read up how to do it all in plastic surgeon books. He'd charge small sums to others, but practice on the wife for free. So he set up in his garden shed to do the surgery. With sleeping pills, and a bottle of gin Lill was soon out for the count. Sid stuffed her little floppy tits until they stud up like Michael's Mount. He stuffed her floppy buttocks, so she had a nice pert bum. He was doing well until he thought she needed a teenagers flat tum. Instead of stuffing stuff in, he had to take stuff out, That's OK with dead animals, but Humans he knew nothing about. Now poor old Lill looks better dead, than she ever looked in life, She's on show in a glass case in Sid's front room, labelled,  'A rare looking middle aged wife'.

Once I met a bully,he wasn't very brave, he met a braver man, now he's in his grave.

He looked in the mirror this morning; he finally had to admit; He hadn’t a lot of hair left; In fact there was only a bit. Once, it was thick; and wavy, he could comb it back in a D.A. At twenty seven he combed it forward, as it was then it started fading away. Nobody seemed to notice; as the Beetles were then all the rage, He just said ‘I have changed my image; to look like those blokes on the stage. When it started to get a lot thinner, he was getting worried; it’s true. So he combed it up from the nape of his neck; it’s the only thing he could do. Then the day arrived when his cover was blown, the wind was really high; It lifted his waves up and down on his head, and they looked like they were waving goodbye. He heard of a new cure for baldness. They said rub chicken muck in your head; He didn’t do the full course of treatment, as the wife would not let him in bed. Now he’s shaven the fuzzy bits from his head, and refrained from wearing a vest; And like those macho men in t...

War babies came in with a bang, in a war when they sang of Bluebirds, Kitbag’s and Farewells. Heroic parents with stories to tell of their Glories in a hell where their brave comrades fell. Flat caps and mack’s and demob suits and very shiny leather boots. They fought for peaceful days. So we got a new craze... We put on our blue swede shoes and danced away those blues. In peace, we did what we pleased. tight trousers, short skirts, youths with long hair, and draped jackets that came down to our knees. We danced a fast dance with an unusual stance. Jive was alive, girls were thrown in the air, they didn't care. as we rocked the dance floor, pony tails in girls hair. We rocked around in blue swede shoes, We rocked away those wartime blues... The clock struck one two three and four, now we are knock, knock, knocking on heavens door. We are rock rock rocking, knocking on. Ah, how good was Freedom? www.ageuk.org.uk ...

Under the spreading chestnut tree, I met a wench and she liked me -Hey, ho fiddle-de-de. My hand did wonder above her knee, under the spreading chestnut tree -Hey ho fiddle-dee dee. that wench she had to marry me, and we-well- Hey ho fiddle-dee, dee. I'm a fiddle-dee, dee and a fiddle, de, doe. A fiddler I'll let you know, under the spreading chestnut tree, Keep your daughters under lock and key away from that spreading chestnut tree. Hey ho fiddle-dee, dee, under the spreading chestnut treeeeee.

I've started a tourist firm 4 dare devils. You will be touring Niagara Falls in a barrel; Hand rails fitted for sissies. YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEE! Speak when your spoken to,  that's what my parents said.  But they didn't speak to me so I spoke and was sent to bed. They say that all dogs evolve from wolves. I saw a French Poodle with a curly coat...was it a wolf in sheep's clothing? I believe I can fly...AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! Magic mushrooms, poppy seeds, long haired hippies with strings of beads... WE ALL LIVED IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE! Er, sorry about that...NURSE! I watched the news one day and a very good investigative journalist asked a Politician a very awkward question....'TRUTHFULLY?' I have been poor all my life, I'll die poor and leave it all to poor friends who will know how to handle it. I know why the Government are raising student fees...They only want the Cream of the Country in their universities... RICH and THIC...