We had a cockerel in our yard, he used to crow a lot. Now he does not crow at all; he's in a cooking pot.




Ding dong bell pussies in the well, who put him in? I'm not gonna tell.




a quarry owner was struggling to make a living cos his business was on the rocks.

            



There are no flies on the Welsh. Only dragon flies.







Hey, this government are outlawing the term Pensioner, they are phasing pensions out. You will work into your 80s, Your next title (after worker) will be "The deceased"



 I have decided to hang my dogs I.D. tag on the base of his tail to stop other dogs sniffing his bum.




I said to my Mrs, "Don't let me be a cabbage. I would rather be a couch potato like all the other brain dead people."




Posh bloke from a southern town visited Northern Industrial Town "What a Shit-hole!" He said. Well he was just passing through!




Hey, I don't know how those Americans can drive on the right hand side of the road. I tried it on our M.1 in the UK & almost got killed.

 Secret Service Instructor, 'How do you detect a Suicide bomber?'
 Recruit, 'Catch him in the act.' 
Instructor, 'Then what?' 
Recruit, 'Lock him up so he can't do it again.'




My pal went to a spiritualist.  The spiritualist said,  
"Your wife is happy on the other side and she is delighted that you are well.
Because she doesn't want you joining her there and making her miserable."


 I would have escaped by the skin of my teeth, but I got caught because I haven't got any skin on my teeth.


My pals house burnt down and he had a newer better one built from his insurance payout. He was watching the news about a disaster and wondered how he could start a flood.

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