Jobs Worth s. (A part of a sitcom that I have written. Also read my story The Diary of a Jobsworth)

 SCENE 2.   Ext. Bog road car park.- day1. [11.00hrs]

The scruffy Looking Billy-Pegleg- Buffham limps around the car park.  

SCENE 3. int. cruising unmarked  police car.- day 1. [11.io hrs]

Detective sergeant Keenan:

Hold it there Constable, what’s he up to?

Detective Constable Dickens:

Who Sergeant?  Ah, I see him, you mean that scruffy looking bloke with the woolly hat on?

Detective sergeant Keenan:

Yeah, stop the car constable.

Detective Constable Dickens parks the car in the kerbside opposite the car park.  detective sergeant keenen steps out the car.

Cut to:

 SCENE 4. ext. bog road car park-day1 [11.20 hrs]

Detective Sergeant Keenan circles around the car park until he is in a position to observe Billy Buffham from behind the car park ticket machine.  billy finds a car without a ticket on the windscreen and is about to take his pen out of his pocket when the sergeant dashes up to him.  grabs his writing hand and pushes it up behind his back until Billy’s eyes water with pain.

Billy:

Ouch!  Ged-off!  Buy a ticket and I won’t book you-

D.S. Keenan:

Book me?  You clown, it’s you who’s being nicked…I arrest you on suspicion of breaking into motor vehicles with intent to steal; anything you say will be taken down and used in evidence.

The detective sergeant struggles to handcuff Billy’s wrists, the detective constable rushes over to assist his colleague.  Billy does not believe that they are police as they are not wearing uniforms, so he struggles.

      The council van enters Bog Road from Station road.  

Cut to:

SCENE 4 int. parked Council Van – day 1 [11.30 hrs]

Cedric:

Mike, Charlie, papa are you receiving me?  Er… over…  Sorry sir, I almost forgot the ‘over’ bit  

Roly:

 (EXASPERATED voice)

Receiving you.  What is it this time?

Cedric:

I’m so sorry sir, have I caught you at a busy time?  I can’t see what you are doing over the radio…  I do apologise sir…  Er…  Over.

Roly:

What do you want?

Cedric:

I have just rounded the corner into Bog Road and I have one of the … Er… targets in sight; I think he is arguing with an irate motorist, over.

Roly:

Over what?

Cedric:

Over to you sir.

Roly:

Oh, right…  Well keep an eye on him; use your initiative, I don’t want to hear from you again unless it is urgent; do you hear me?

Cedric:

I hear you loud and clear, over and out.

Cut to:

SCENE 5. ext. Bog road car park – day 1 [11.35 hrs]

D.S. Keenan and D.C. Dickens Wrestle the terrified Billy to the ground.

Cut to:

SCENE 6. int parked council van – day 1 [11.36 hrs]

The excited Cedric wants to tell Roly what is happening.  The temptation overcomes him.

Cedric:

Mike, Charlie, Papa, are you receiving…  Er… (THEN HE YELLS LOUDLY) 

Urgent message!

Cedric’s hands are shaking with the excitement at what he can see unfolding on the car park.  He drops the radio handset into the footwell of the van.  Roly Does not bother to answer.  Cedric scrambles around in the cab of his van, he recovers the handset.

Cedric: 

(STILL YELLING AT THE RADIO HANDSET)  Sir, Sir!  Buffham is fighting with two members of the public!

Roly:

(EXCITED)  Fighting?  What do you mean fighting?  Is he drunk?

Cedric:

I don’t know.

Roly:

Well bloody well get over there and find out!

A female voice breaks into their converation.

Female voice  (ON RADIO):

No swearing on the airwaves.

Roly:

Go away woman!  Pollock, are you there?

Cecil:

I was about to get out and see what is going on sir.

Roly:

On second thoughts, stay out of it, you have a van full of cash boxes from the machines, you can’t risk leaving them unattended.

Female voice:

Don’t you talk to me in that manner you oaf.  There is such a law as sexual equality; and, if you insist on swearing over the airways, I will have your wavelength blocked.

Roly:

Fu-hu; go away, we have an emergency here.  Pollock -

female voice:

Don’t you call me a pollock-

Roly:

I am not calling you a pollock, that is my van driver’s name… Pollock are you there?

THERE IS NO ANSWER FROM THE FEMALE VOICE.

Cedric:

Sir, sir!  They have frogmarched Buffham across the car park and are bundling him into a car; they must be kidnapping him.

Roly:

Don’t be stupid man, who in their right mind would pay a ransom for him.  Maybe he has gotten himself into trouble with some of those unsavoury characters in the Bag ‘O’ Rats.  See if you can find the other two, I am calling a meeting tomorrow 11am sharp at my office.  It will be in reference to the new uniforms.  In addition, we will be introducing our new colleagues.  With a bit of luck we may have gotten rid of one waster and I will be able to get another good man.

Contact me @thegrimbarian on Twitter.

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