Thursday, 9 December 2010

What a life

I feel that I have to tell a little more about me.  I am 68 years old and I almost died in my infancy; not through illness it was more to do with an attempt on my life.  As I said in my first blog, "No names, no pack drill," But a member of a certain fascist army tried to murder me and my Mam, by dropping a bomb on our house. Dad was away in the army; I believe he was stationed near Hull Yorkshire where he worked in the cookhouse; I know this because he was very proud when an officer commended him for his tasty Yorkshire Puddings...although he was a Lincolnshire man he made the best Yorkie puddings in camp. However, he was not mentioned in dispatches.  Grandad was in the First World War and got shot in the leg on the Somme, so I suppose Dad decided to keep his head down in the cookhouse where they appreciated him and didn't shoot at him.
 I was born with a lazy eye and when I went to school the teachers said that my eye matched up with the rest of me because I was too lazy to give them my full attention...How could I give them full attention when one eye looked at them whilst the other one did its own thing?
  They had corporal punishment in those days and I was often given six of the best (that is what the teachers called it). Because I was a small thin boy my little hands stung, and that was when I learnt not to take advice from anyone, because when I asked my mate Warty Wilfred (all my mates had nasty nicknames mine was 'Gillie Goggles'; no one else would hang around with us) what he did to stop the stinging he told me to spit on them before they brought the cane down. So I did, just as the headmaster was waggling the cane around and swishing it about like a swashbuckling pirate with his sword I spit at him and caught him between the eyes.
  As well as not having any good friends at school I found it very hard to get a girlfriend when I left school.  I tried to show them passion and they returned it; on account that they had no use for it.  I decided to give all my love and attention to dogs as someone told me that they don't answer you back.
Well it was always OK at the start  but once they got their fluffy slippers under the table the nagging started. Well I will close now and tell you all about my adult life another day; there is a lot to tell as one can imagine at my age

 

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