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Showing posts from 2017

Thorgam Tinpots Viking Army. As told to Morbid Maud -Spiritulaist; from Valhalla.

My name is Thorgam TinPot the Blacksmith.  I was born in Norsefiord in the year 855.  My father was Peter PeacePot the Peaceful.  I speak to you from Valhalla -Odin’s Corpse Hall-. I am not sure how,  but I ended my days as a War Lord with a sword in my hand and I left the earth world to be admitted here because it is the place where Viking Warriors rest... I do remember some of the events that happened before my demise; though not all.  I am speaking through a medium lady; well she looks large to me; I joke; good joke eh?  My friend Jack Pot the Lucky says that I am as sharp as my broad sword; I was a Blacksmith; Blacksmiths were thought of as Magicians because we can make hard metal turn into a liquid; I made my own sword myself when I became a warrior through circumstances beyond my control.    My father was the Chieftain of the Pot clan. Until my father’s death in 870 our clan were only interested in trading our wares.  I should have inherited my father’s place as leader, but

'THE BEAST OF BOGRIMS MARSH' and 'SAD, BAD and BARKING MAD' ARE NOW IN PAPERBACK AT KINDLE STORE.

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Curl up in your favourite chair and curl up laughing in these two books; if you don't think they will be funny you haven't read my blog. GO TO KINDLE CLOUD READER, PUT THE TITLES IN AND THEY WILL COME UP. I AM SURE YOU WILL ALL AGREE MY FREE COMEDY AND CHILDREN'S RHYMES ARE GOOD. TAKE A CHANCE GO ON KINDLE CLOUD READER AND LOOK. YOU CAN LOOK INSIDE BEFORE BUYING, I CAN GUARANTEE YOU WILL HAVE A LAUGH OR TWO OR MORE; MORE, I THINK. YOU WILL WALK AROUND WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE ALL DAY ONCE YOU START READING THEM; FOLK WILL THINK YOU HAVE HAD SOME SORT OF A BREAKDOWN, BUT, HEY-HO, AS LONG AS YOU ARE HAPPY. IF EVERYONE'S HAPPY THE WORLD WILL BE A BETTER PLACE.

4 Raps or Rhymes keeping up with the times.

The Terror Pup . I got a dog -a bitch- she's only small -a titch-. A terror; a terrier; a bone buryer. It took me hours to plant some flowers. The terror pup dug them all up. Replaces them with bones... and mobile phones. A digger, a scratter, a very good ratter. She kills pet mice, not nice! And Rabbits! so many bad habits. She chases cats, and wind blown hats. She chases birds, rolls around in fox turds. She chased a fox, and savaged my socks. In the chicken run? She had lots of fun. The feathers flew, that's true. A one bitch Rat-pack. A hunter, a throwback to days gone by; She killed a fly. that buzzed her eye. She's very quick, she looks angelic, Small in size, Big brown eyes, Vermin hater,  terminator. Love her to bits. Pensioners Rap. I'm going to have a shout at rap, close this yawning generation gap. I'm 70 and  up for it. lets have a go, Yo! we'll strut our stuff in the hood, that's good. W

IF!

If ,I could play a tune, If, I could croon, if I was a pianist a violinist, a fiddler! Yes a fiddle, I'd fiddle de diddle. If I could play a tune or croon, a song about a moon; in tune. I'd sing that tune, I-I-I'd play that tune. I'd croon that tune. A drummer? I'd beat that drum. Bang the drum. The drum roll... would be mine. But I can't.

The rat race.

The cat chased the rat. The dog chased the cat, caught the cat that caught the rat. what about that? Rat race.
We had a cockerel in our yard, he used to crow a lot. Now he does not crow at all; he's in a cooking pot. Ding dong bell pussies in the well, who put him in? I'm not gonna tell. a quarry owner was struggling to make a living cos his business was on the rocks.              There are no flies on the Welsh. Only dragon flies. Hey, this government are outlawing the term Pensioner, they are phasing pensions out. You will work into your 80s, Your next title (after worker) will be "The deceased"  I have decided to hang my dogs I.D. tag on the base of his tail to stop other dogs sniffing his bum. I said to my Mrs, "Don't let me be a cabbage. I would rather be a couch potato like all the other brain dead people." Posh bloke from a southern town visited Northern Industrial Town "What a Shit-hole!" He said. Well he was just passin